Should Wives Submit to Their Husbands?
Ephesians 5:22-24 says:
“Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.”
As I read this verse, the question we’re trying to answer could actually be broken up into 2 questions:
One, what is submission?
Two, what is headship or, put another way, what does it mean to have authority?
So the first question – what is submission? Well, it really depends on the context. The same Greek word submission in the Bible is used not just for husbands and wives, but with civil authorities, church elders, other believers, employers, and private institutions. So I’m going to propose a definition that covers all these bases. Are you ready?
Submission is a heart-attitude that:
1) honors authority
2) obeys its legitimate commands
3) forgives its misuses
4) respectfully declines commands that are outside of its jurisdiction to give
The first part of this definition – the part about giving honor and obeying legitimate commands protects the heart against the sin of rebellion. The second part – the part about forgiving misuses and respectfully declining illegitimate commands – protects the heart against the sin of unforgiveness.
When you put them together it’s like putting an impenetrable force-field around the one thing in life that matters most, which is our relationship with God. No matter how unjust or oppressive of an authority a person finds himself under, submission will render that authority powerless to harden a person’s heart toward God.
So, the Bible’s commands about submission are actually meant to protect us and empower us. Submission is not weakness. In fact, it is the most powerful action a person can take in response to oppressive leadership because it invites the power of God into the situation.
Now let’s look at the second question – What is headship or what does it mean to have authority?
Well this also means different things in different contexts. For example, church leaders have authority to teach, comfort, or rebuke in a church context. Civil rulers have authority to punish acts of evil that violate someone’s life or liberty or property. Parents have authority to teach and discipline children.
Furthermore, the Greek word used for authority in the Bible does not only mean the power to make someone do something, but it can also just mean grace or anointing from God to do something you’re called to do. For example, Mathew 7 says Jesus taught with authority. In 2 Corinthians 13 Paul said God gave him authority for building up the Corinthian church.
So the real question here is, what type of authority does the Bible give a husband? I believe that the authority given to husbands in the Bible is authority to love, serve, protect, provide, and lead by example. Now some may say this say this definition softens what the Bible says to make it more palatable to our politically correct culture. And honestly I appreciate that kind of challenge. I think Christians and Christian leaders sometimes do back away from hard biblical truths in our culture because they don’t want to offend.
But if that’s your stance here, let me put the burden of proof on you for a moment and ask where do you see in scripture that the specific type of authority given to husbands includes the authority to give a command, or having the final say in major decision?
Now you might say, well Jesus gives the commands to the church, therefore husbands can give commands to their wives, because that’s the metaphor that Ephesians 5 uses.
Ok, well let’s think about that. A husband does not literally die on a cross for the sins of his wife, right? A wife will not appear before the judgment seat of her husband after she dies, will she? So, obviously the marriage metaphor has limits.
Well, what are those limits? To find out, we should examine portions of scripture where Jesus is specifically portrayed as a husband, or where the Father is portrayed as a husband to Israel, or other passages that speak specifically about godly marriage. Here are several examples.
Ephesian 5:25-33
Isaiah 54:5-8
Hosea 2:14-23
Revelation 19:7-9
Isaiah 62:4-5
Song of Solomon
Jeremiah 31:32
Ezekiel 16:8-14
Ruth 4-5
1 Peter 3:7
Colossians 3:19
1 Corinthians 11: 3
1 Timothy 5:8
When I look at these and other passages, the impression I get is that husbands have authority to love, serve, protect, provide, and lead by example.
In contrast to these, whenever Jesus is depicted as giving commands, it’s usually in the role of a king or a judge or a master or a creator, not a husband. Those metaphors don’t apply to marriage.
So for a wife, we might say submission is heart-attitude that honors her husband’s authority to love, serve, protect, provide and lead their family, forgives him when he falls short this calling, and respectfully declines commands (or force or pressure) since they are not within his jurisdiction to give.
My marriage was nearly destroyed in part because I thought submission meant I should always have the final say in every major decision. After God restored my marriage, I began seeing my wife more as a partner and wise counselor, often providing discernment and insights I would never have thought of. This has brought us much closer together and has vastly improved the marriage-model we present to our daughters.